VICTORIA, B.C. – CPC leader Pierre Poilievre has expressed keen interest as news broke that BC Conservative Party leader John Rustad is unilaterally rejecting his party’s attempts to remove him.
“Hang on,” Poilievre said to a group of reporters. “Your party votes to shitcan you and you can just tell them to go pound sand? Please tell me more…”
Rustad, who sources report is currently barricaded inside the Party HQ bathroom, has faced criticism from within his party since the beginning of his term as leader. On Wednesday, the party leadership passed a motion declaring that Rustad is “professionally incapacitated”, to which Rustad replied, “No.”
“I am not going anywhere,” Rustad said in a statement to reporters. “Also, please tell my Uber Eats guy that I’m locked inside here.”
Upon hearing the news, Poilievre reportedly began taking notes. “I’ve been trying to reach John because I would’ve suggested he end his statement with ‘So snack on that, you radical left media cucks!’” Polievre then explained, “That’s the kind of cool thing I do to endear myself to voters. Also, I will never question that belief.”
Rustad, whose opinions on climate change are best described as “incoherent,” and “oil apologia”, has reportedly received several invitations from Poilievre to a “friendly pick-your-brain” coffee chat regarding intractably refusing to be fired. Simon Fraser University political scientist Lori Kaur says it makes sense that Poilievre may want to cultivate a relationship with Rustad.
“For example Rustad once suggested a ‘Nuremberg 2.0’ for political and public health leaders who advocated for and enacted lockdowns during the first year of COVID,” Kaur explains. “And Poilievre did Timmy’s runs for a bunch of convoy geniuses who think vaccines are worse than the Holocaust. Both men represent your most annoying relatives you don’t get seated next to at Christmas dinner. Lot of fertile ground in Canada for that seed to find purchase, if you know what I mean?”
“I’m fascinated,” Poilievre said to reporters as he concluded his media availability. “Like, historically, if an unpopular leader refuses to go, nothing bad usually happens, right? I’m just going to see how this all plays out.”
