OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney was spotted in the halls of Parliament checking out passing Bloc Quebecois MP Patrick Bonin as the missing piece to complete his collection of MPs from major parties.
“Gotta catch ‘em all. Gotta catch ‘em all,” Carney was heard muttering to himself before turning to a gaggle of reporters to declare: “The Liberal party is the broadest possible party, willing to welcome anyone into our ranks, because we don’t believe in anything other than being in power.”
“Over the past few months we have said hello to three Conservative friends, and now we welcome a new friend from the NDP. This shows the unifying strength of having no principles. We could even extend our hospitality to a separatist, because ultimately we don’t even believe in Canada unless we control it.”
The concern spreading among opposition parties is that such a defection would give the Prime Minister unlimited power – essentially an infinity gauntlet with different coloured stones representing each party’s colours. Only instead of wiping out half of all life in the Universe, Carney would only use it to wipe out half the social safety net. However Liberal insiders insist no such gauntlet exists.
Leader of the Bloc Quebecois, Yves-Francois Blanchet, was confident that a defection from his party to the Liberals could never happen.
“Our contempt for all things Canadian – except the parliamentary paycheque – ensures that no member of my party will ever cross the floor,” affirmed Blanchet. “Carney could even offer, say, a senior ministerial position and that nice corner office on the third floor with the big, oak desk. Let him try.”
Later in the day an aide to the Prime Minister was seen polishing a gem-studded golden gauntlet with a slot on the back of the hand labelled “Elizabeth May.”
