MILAN, ITALY – United States Vice President JD Vance was reportedly unaware of being booed during the Milano Cortina 2026 Winter Olympics opening ceremonies, due to the fact that he is already relentlessly booed nearly 24 hours a day.
“No, I didn’t notice anything different, why do you ask,” responded VP Vance as thousands of otherwise-festive athletes, Olympians, and dignitaries loudly jeered him to his face. While the crowds’ displeasure echoed through San Siro stadium during the parade of participating countries, sources report that Vance has grown so accustomed to being vocally derided by strangers that he couldn’t tell the difference.
“People boo me when I give speeches, when I walk down the street, and especially when I enter the Oval Office,” reported Vance, blinking back tears. “You’re gonna have to be more specific.
Sources close to the controversial Vice President, whose favourability rating still sits well below 46%, claim that he is booed so frequently that “he has gone ear-blind to it”.
“Sometimes people don’t even realize JD is in the room, and they just start booing instinctively,” reports Second Lady Usha Vance. “The doctors say it’s related to a medical condition they call ‘negative charisma’, which JD has had since birth.”
Back in Milan, spectators at the opening ceremonies report that the celebratory mood returned after the American VP vacated his spectator’s box to use the washroom, but resumed immediately as he returned to grab the phone he’d left behind.
Reached for comment, Vance insisted that he had no idea why everyone in the European stadium had apparently booed him, before noting that “they’re all godless communists and single women who’re letting their racial purity be diluted by foreigners.”
