OTTAWA – This morning, in an unscheduled press statement, the Prime Minister’s Office has said that Prime Minister Mark Carney has turned off geolocation services for all his electronic devices “for no particular reason whatsoever”.
“This is just a normal, everyday, temporary precaution the Prime Minister is taking to avoid unwanted public or perhaps presidential attention,” said Minister of Foreign Affairs Anita Anand. “After all, nobody wants their precise location really accessible in the cloud all the time, whether you’re a student, a foreign visa holder, or the leader of a country that has faced multiple threats to its sovereignty.”
Anand then stressed that Carney is, “still somewhere in the capital”, before asking reporters to “chill out on all the questions”.
The Prime Minister himself did not make a statement in the press release, but multiple sources close to Carney have confirmed that he is just choosing to spend the weekend relaxing in an undisclosed location after concluding an impromptu visit to the former Canadian Forces Station Carp, better known as the Diefenbunker museum.
“The Prime Minister just takes his privacy very seriously, and just wants to be able to spend a bit of quality time with his family away from the public, the press, and the United States ambassador to Canada,” said Anand.
“It was entirely a spur of the moment decision to get some R&R after spending months working nonstop as the leader of the country, and definitely not influenced by, hypothetically speaking, military action by a neighbouring country against a foreign leader said country had repeatedly threatened.”
Anand then added, apropos of nothing, that Canada’s oil reserves are “not even that big really” and that we have “never even heard the word fentanyl”.
Neither Anand nor the Prime Minister’s Office responded definitively to any question asking how long the Prime Minister was going to have his geolocation services turned off and current whereabouts kept ambiguous.
“Maybe a day or two. Just long enough until we can be sure Canada isn’t trending on certain social media sites,” explained Anand.
