OTTAWA – After accepting a role as economic advisor to Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelenskyy, Canadian MP Chrystia Freeland has begun by suggesting citizens of the war-ravaged country cancel their pricy Disney+ subscriptions.
With Russia’s devastating invasion of Ukraine about to enter its fourth year, the former Deputy Canadian PM has suggested the country’s economy could be spurred by citizens cutting back on luxuries like streaming subscriptions, avocado toast, and oat milk lattes.
“I personally, as a mother and wife, look carefully at my credit card bill once a month, and I believe that’s exactly the same approach Ukrainians should take when they’re attempting to withstand a brutal war of conquest by an unhinged dictator who is backed by a compromised American president,” explained Freeland from her Parliament Hill office.
The long-serving representative for University—Rosedale has announced that she will be stepping down from her role as MP, in order to focus on providing solid, relatable economic advice to the people of Ukraine, “much like I have done for the people of Canada over the past decade of financial prosperity.”
Meanwhile in Kyiv, Ukrainian president Zelenskyy applauded Freeland’s appointment as economic advisor to his battered nation. “If anything we felt like Ukrainians’ cost of living was not high enough,” explained Zelenskyy, “so we knew Freeland was exactly the person to raise it higher.”
Zelenskyy added, “Plus, she reminded me that I was still subscribed to Paramount+, so I finally got around to cancelling that. Thanks, Chrystia.”
At press time, Freeland was working on an economic strategy to double Ukrainian rental prices within the next decade.
