WONDERLAND – In a shocking move Wednesday, L. Carroll Enterprises, manufacturer of the popular Vorpal Blade line of self-defence devices, has issued a product-wide recall after a large batch of blades were found to instead go “Snacker-Snick”.
“’Twasn’t brillig, ‘twasn’t brillig at all,” moaned Thomas Weedledum, a disappointed consumer, “It happened right as I was galumphing in the tulgey wood near my house. A jubjub bird swooped out of nowhere and so I pulled out the 260X Vorpal Blade I had just bought. But then it went Snacker-Snick and I was all like “what?”. Snacker-Snick! Can you believe it?!”
“What if it had been a Bandersnatch? I’d have been killed! This is a serious product liability issue,” he continued.
Representatives for the manufacturers have apologized and assured purchasers that replacement blades will be delivered immediately given that the season of pursuing manxome foes is nearly here. Indeed, testing has confirmed that in addition to the improper Snacker-Snicking of the weapon, the recent batch has proven effective only against jaws that bite but most decidedly not against claws that catch.
Despite the clear public image campaign by the company, online reviews have remained scathing. “I gave one as a gift to my beamish boy for his UnBirthday and now I’m embarrassed that he has to return it”, wrote QofH 1865.
“Had a most decidedly Non-Frabjous Day with this purchase. More like Caloo Ca-Lame,” posted CheshireFeel9.
“Why is a Raven like a Writing Desk? You’ll have a better chance of answering that than figuring out how a long vaunted company released such a broken product,” said TurtleMockerX.
Still, some are celebrating the snafu. CEO of rival Looking Glass Enterprises, J. A. Abberwock, celebrated the unforced error, stating, “We’re glad that the public now sees the Vorpal Blades for what they truly are, highly polished trash responsible for the needless decapitation of harmless conceptual absurdities. I know many who will be burbling peacefully tonight knowing there are fewer of these on the streets.”
Any purchasers wishing to avail themselves of the recall should send their vorpal blades by first class mail along with proof of purchase to the Toadstool underneath the Chain-Smoking Caterpillar.
