Beloved Readers,
It’s been just over a year since we launched our Patreon, and to say that it has completely saved our asses would be an understatement. From the bottom of our snarky Canadian hearts, THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who joined.
Thanks to your generosity, we’ve been able to do all (okay, most) of the things we mentioned in our initial Patreon appeal. We’ve kept the website going, relaunched our podcast, sent out all the subscriber perks, and most importantly, gave our writers a raise (the economic value of which has almost totally been wiped out by the cost of living crisis, but still). Your contributions have been transformational to our operations, particularly our “don’t go out of business” initiative.
That’s why now we’d like to take a moment to say: please give us more money.
If you haven’t joined The Beaverton Patreon yet, we’d love to have you onboard! For as little as $4 per month you’ll get access to all of our patreon exclusive articles, as well as Ad-Free episodes of The Beaverton Weekly Report Podcast, featuring exclusive content only for Patreon Members. Recently we talked about the British Columbia ostrich farm fiasco, and things got pretty damn loopy. Plus, as a bonus incentive, you can now get 75% off your first month of membership with promo code: Thrive2025
What do we plan to do with this money? Glad you asked:
* Write more articles, especially time sensitive ones with up-to-the-minute news satire, especially if Pierre Poilievre keeps flaming out
* Build up our podcast to include more jokes, interviews with some of Canada’s most fascinating media personalities, and full episode video posts for you freaks that like to watch podcasts for some reason
* Create original video content, whether it be man on the street style or (dream scenario) scripted digital shorts
* Expand our merch store with new items like holiday ornaments, cottage wear, and even funnier t-shirts
* Spend (even) more time interacting on the Patreon, responding to messages faster, and expanding our Beaverton online community
* Spring for a paid CBC Gem membership (someone has to be the first)
* Organize some Beaverton live shows, coming in 2026!
Once again, if you have contributed to our Patreon, or even if you’re just here reading our website for free, we appreciate you more than a Degrassi reunion special. Here’s to another successful and hopefully LESS news-packed year.
If you have any questions please feel free to email us at staff@thebeaverton.com
Yours In Satire,
The Beaverton Editors
