TORONTO – Eyewitnesses today confirmed reports that a pedestrian was walking in the road because a cyclist was riding on the sidewalk because a car was parked in the bike lane.
“I was driving down the road when all of a sudden I looked up from my phone and saw this guy walking in the lane right in front of me, when there was a perfectly good sidewalk right next to him,” said one eyewitness who wished to remain anonymous because his driver’s licence is currently suspended for a DUI. “Right as I was about to lay on my horn and scream at him and threaten to kill him and his entire family, I noticed that the sidewalk was actually full of cyclists riding on it and the bike lane was blocked by a parked car. Well, I say car but does a cybertruck count as a car?”
The driver then reported that waiting the thirty or so seconds it took to safely get around the pedestrian wasn’t so bad, as it gave them time to scroll through a couple of funny videos on Instagram.
The cyclist confirmed the driver’s account, adding that exiting the bike lane would have been necessary regardless of any parked vehicles because it was full of broken glass, thumbtacks, torn-open garbage bags, loose knives, and bullet casings.
“On second thought, I think all of that stuff could have been from the cybertruck because the lane was perfectly clean right in front of it…” The cyclist also wished to remain anonymous for fear of being ticketed by police.
The pedestrian said that having to walk in the road was an added insult to injury, as they were only walking because their bus never showed up. The pedestrian also did not want to be identified for fear of being accused of vandalizing the parked cybertruck. “I wasn’t trying to, I just had to lean on it for support as I stepped over a garbage bag and then the whole back panel fell off. I would have tried to put it back on but the exposed wires immediately started sparking up.”
Police were called to the scene but no ticket was issued. Officers cited TPS policy that advises against issuing parking tickets to colleagues for their private vehicles as it can lead to an awkward moment at work.
