TORONTO – Local lesbian Charlotte Tremblay reports recently experiencing a terrible incident of targeted discrimination after realizing she has no girlfriend to watch the new Lilith Fair documentary with.
“I just don’t understand how the universe could be so cruel,” says Tremblay, 36, wiping her tears with the sleeve of her favourite flannel. “Of course this happens, the universe presents an absolutely perfect documentary clearly designed for two women to curl up on the couch with their cats and watch, but then in a blatantly homophobic turn refuses to also make your dream woman magically appear in your living room while you’re doing your nightly tarot reading before re-watching Wynonna Earp for the seventeenth time. It’s just devastating.”
Tremblay realized that homophobia was rampant in several areas of her life, including her inability to go fully vegan, the City of Toronto’s legal limit on the number of cats she can own, and the fact that she hasn’t seen a rainbow in a while.
“Nobody deserves this kind of treatment,” says Maddie Foster, 32, Tremblay’s ex-girlfriend’s ex-girlfriend who she once matched with on Hinge but never messaged. “The idea that, in the year 2025, a movie as gay as this could come out and every queer woman on Earth wouldn’t automatically have a girlfriend to watch it with is just heartbreaking.”
Foster added, “We need to do something – as soon as somebody else makes the first move.”
Tremblay has done her best to recover from the incident, including consulting astrology websites, buying several more plants, and posting cryptic song lyrics on her Instagram Notes like an MSN status circa 2007. Still, she has been unable to bring herself to watch the film alone.
Upon hearing of the lesbian community’s strife, Lilith Fair founder and queer ally Sarah McLachlan sprang into action, arranging speed dating screenings of the film, sponsoring a Subaru giveaway, and collaborating with sapphic dating app HER to add her song “Angel” as background music to particularly depressing user profiles.
At press time, Tremblay was getting back into the dating scene by purchasing tickets to every single show on Jann Arden’s upcoming tour.
