VANCOUVER – The B.C. College of Chiropractors, firmly rejecting the scientific method in favor of treatment by loud bone-cracking sounds, voted overwhelmingly against a vaccine mandate at their annual general meeting Wednesday night.
The College, named presumably so practitioners can say they went to college, has taken a hardline stance claiming that there is no evidence that vaccines are safe and effective.
Danica Sterling, a practitioner from Coquitlam, explains the reasoning behind the College’s stance against working medicine.
“I personally own this lab-coat, so you can trust me when I say that I have not seen any evidence that vaccines reduce the severity and mortality of Covid cases nor have I looked for any. It would be a complete waste of time because, as we know, all modern diseases are caused by your bones being in the wrong order. This is a fact.”
The “professionals” who are specifically prohibited in the province from giving advice on vaccines due to lacking medical training and knowledge decided to voice their objections after feeling the need to hear their own voices.
Marshall Hovis, a longstanding member of the college, echoes these sentiments.
“Look, I’ve been treating patients for well over 20 years now and today I’m still treating those same patients for the same conditions. That’s the kind of experience you can’t get from an accredited learning institution. Sure, some of my patients have died but that’s why it’s called ‘practicing’ medicine, so you can get better at it.”
“Plus, the extra skeletons for my office never hurt”, he added, winking.
While it’s difficult to identify the source of the contention between vaccines and chiropractors, some surmise that vaccines which are the result of rigorous scientific study and lab trials would naturally be the enemy of people who basically practice bone magic.
At press time, the assembled College was in heated discourse about why no one in the scientific community was talking about the coronaviruses’ bones.