OTTAWA – The RCMP are reassuring Canadians that a man in buffalo horns seen storming the Canadian capital earlier this month was not in fact a right-wing insurrectionist, but an actual buffalo that wandered into Parliament Hill.
“We understand that, given recent events in the United States, some Canadians were concerned when they learned that a man wearing buffalo horns had breached the House of Commons chambers,” said Allison Greene, spokesperson for Parliamentary Protective Services. “But we want to reassure all Canadians that this was nothing to be concerned about. This was not a coup attempt or an insurrection. This was merely a 900kg herd animal stumbling blindly around the seat of our highest government, unfettered by the laws of both decorum and physics.”
Several Members of Parliament echoed the statements from Canada’s top law enforcement and confirmed that they had never been in any real danger.
“Honestly, when I saw the buffalo walk into the chamber, I didn’t even think about that Q-Anon fellow,” said Rene Arsensault, Liberal MP for the Madawaska—Restigouche riding of New Brunswick. “I honestly thought it was one of the Convervative MPs from Manitoba making some sort of fashion statement. I didn’t begin to suspect something was wrong until it voted in favour of student loan forgiveness.”
At press time, a small group of men had gathered around a pile of splattered buffalo droppings on an Ottawa sidewalk, insisting that it was a coded message from Q that would help them take back the country once properly decoded.