QUEBEC – Premier François Legault announced that as part of the new pandemic curfew starting in Quebec, all homeless people will be required to find homes by 8pm every evening.
“We need these measures in place to keep the economy open during working hours when the virus doesn’t spread,” said Legault. “Everyone must go home by 8 o’clock, whether or not you have one.”
“There are lots of homes available in Quebec. Look, I can find 100 listings right here on my phone. Some might require the homeless in Montreal to commute from off the island to their favourite intersection, but there will be public transportation from there in a few years, maybe.”
In response to concerns that the measures were impossible and not consistent for all citizens, Quebec Public Health Director Horacio Arruda said, “Our approach to the pandemic has been consistent. First we ignore the escalation. Then we scramble to put in place measures that are both too little too late and yet onerous at the same time.”
“Don’t forget confusing,” added Health Minister Christian Dubé. “I’m lucky that as a member of cabinet I don’t have to follow any of the rules, otherwise I’d never know what I can or can’t do. Like holidays in Florida.”
At press time, the police were preventing homeless people from sheltering in abandoned Cirque du Soleil tents.