“He still has a lot to learn,” said head chef Saffron Melrose of Donwyn. “I’m all about the slow and steady wins the race, and Donwyn is always trying to shake his way to the finish line.”
Witnesses report that, during one recent busy afternoon rush, an anxious Donwyn stood next to a quiet pot of water. He reportedly tried everything to make the water boil faster: throwing lit matches in the water in the hopes that it would raise the temperature; getting on a ladder to bring the pot closer to the sun. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Donwyn grabbed the pot and shook it with all his might.
A group of staff members was crowded around the pot at this point in anticipation of what this new technique will yield. “I learned it from my 4 year old kid,” proclaimed Donwyn. “Sometimes if things don’t work you gotta just fuck shit up a little.” As Donwyn furiously shook the pot a great deal of the water reportedly ended up on himself, leaving only about half the water still in the pot. Staff members watched as the eager Donwyn was scalded by the flying, thought not yet quite-boiling, water.
Donwyn was promptly rushed to the emergency room for his third degree burns.
Despite the lack of success of the experiment Donwyn has started spreading his message of pre-shaking water for it to boil across the nation.
“People say that a watched pot never boils, I say that person never tried shaking it.”