WINDSOR – Exhausted nurse Lucia Ramierez addressed reporters this morning to announce she simply cannot wait to come home from her sixteen hour shift, rife with tragedy, to all the neighbourhood kids banging on pots and pans for five minutes straight.
“Every workday is another day spent in hell” said Ramierez between bites of a vending machine granola bar, the only thing she’s had time to eat all day, “but it all feels worth it when I finally come home and get to hear little Caleb just absolutely go to town whacking a colander with a wooden spoon for five minutes straight with seemingly no rhyme or reason .”
The announcement comes after many communities across the globe have taken to showing support for frontline workers by gathering on porches and balconies at 7pm to make noise with whatever instruments they have at home.
“It’s great. It’s like Stomp but somehow worse” insisted Ramierez, her hands visibly shaking from exhaustion as she applied her 60th pair of gloves, “and some of them even have kazoos! Isn’t that great? Kazoos! I never would have thought a kazoo solo could sustain itself for three whole minutes but last night little Timmy sure proved me wrong.”
According to Ramierez, the cacophonous display of support comes at the perfect time. Stuck working night shifts, the abrasive sound of two garbage can lids clashing has consistently ensured she will be jolted awake three full hours before her alarm is set to go off, obliterating any chance at achieving a peaceful night’s sleep. Though Ramierez may be sleep deprived and emotionally drained, she assured reporters the nightly concerts have helped build a necessary sense of community.
“Before all this, I never knew I lived on the same street as so many budding musicians” noted Ramierez as she jogged down the hallway to greet the latest code red patient “Who knew it would take a pandemic and the single most stressful month of my life for the entire neighbourhood to form some kind of collective Noise Band . You should hear the way little Maggie across the street rip a baking sheet solo. She’s basically the next Mozart.”
At press time, Ramierez was spotted downing a Red Bull, her eyes visibly bloodshot, as she muttered something about “vuvuzelas.”
