Getting your body sweater ready for Fall - The Beaverton

Getting your body sweater ready for Fall

Leaves changing, plummeting temps, and the scent of filling the air; fall is just around the corner. But what will the change of the season mean for your beach bod? Follow these tips to transform that summer silhouette into a ready lump!

TIP ONE- Lean into depression

Now that summer is nearly over, your body will be receiving less sunlight and therefore will be deprived of that happiness-inducing vitamin D. Before you reach for a supplement… just don’t! Let the sadness wash over you and make you feel like getting out of bed is impossible. The “not moving out of bed” move is a key step to filling out that way oversized Budweiser sweater you got for free from The Beer Store.

TIP TWO- Flex into hibernation level snacking

Did you know that if you don’t maintain eating double your normal intake of calories, you’ll never be warm this winter? It’s important that the body does several reps of salt and sweet in order to round out that tummy for fall. A sweater comes with a looseness your body needs to fill out – for science, you see. That’s why they’re designed that way.

TIP THREE- Roll into bad posture

During the summer, you took some much needed outside time, because as humans we need to breathe fresh air at least, like, once every few months. As the fall approaches, realize that outside is for suckers, and standing is hard. Beavefeed suggests replacing all your standing activities with sitting, and all your sitting activities with a lay down so deep it’ll looked like you’ve submerged into the ground. From these simple steps your shoulders will have the rounded looks of a Michelangelo sculpture who has completely let himself go. Soon your body will look like a sweater – without a sweater even being on!

TIP FOUR- Crunch cream into stuff

In the summer it’s best to go dairy free to get the most of out feeling healthy and active. But once the fall flu season hits, you’re gonna wanna milk everything up. Mucus will already be pouring out of your body, so help that flow by adding another layer of cream. It like a lubricant for feeling shitty. Plus sweater sleeves make great napkins!

TIP FIVE- Open mouth cough into core health

As the flu season comes into full swing, you might find that turning into a total lump may not help the immune system. Combat that fatigue with open mouth coughing. It’s a very slight ab workout, with a highlight of getting other people sick in your wake. Because, hey, summer’s over and that makes you feel miserable; don’t fight it, delight it, by putting on a sweater and infecting your misery on everyone you meet.