The 19th century is back in vogue with a recent uptick in measles, mumps and irrational distrust of life saving medical procedures. But it’s not just healthcare that is going back 180 years, it’s also fashion! Here are five totes adorbs Victorian clothing items that won’t clash with your child’s (entirely avoidable if they were vaccinated) measles.
1. Knickerbockers. These baggy trousers were the first examples of european fashion being influenced by american fashion. The roomy cuts allows for lots of movement for energetic boys and girls, as well as hiding the skin rashes that cover their entire legs.
2. Poke Bonnet. Everybody wore hats in Victorian times, and headwear made for women and girls was particularly ornate. The poke bonnet’s large brim and decorative ribbons will distract from the disgusting eye pus that is a symptom of measles, so you won’t be constantly reminded of the damage you’ve done by failing to vaccinate your child.
3. Bouillonné. A bouillonné is when you gather the edge of a strip of fabric to create a decorative ruffle. It can be used for extra flare on blouses, gowns, and most importantly a medical gown when you have to take your child to hospital because they have a dangerously high fever on account of all the measles. Your failure to vaccinate won’t just be spreading viruses, it’ll also be spreading style!
4. Frock Coat. A knee length, double breasted coat looked great on Prince Albert in 1849 and it will look great on your kids in 2019, particularly because your anti-vaxx viewpoint means they’ll be facing the same life threatening childhood diseases. Did you know Prince Albert died of typhoid? There’s a vaccine for that, but you probably think it causes autism.
5. Mourning Blacks. In the Victorian times it was customary to wear black for months after losing a close relative. Why not put your little one in an all black ensemble after they lose their sibling, because their parents were wildly irresponsible and didn’t vaccinate.