It’s the most wonderful time of the year! The holidays are a time when everyone can get along, share and love one another. Sure, it’s been a couple of tough years, and it’s left you feeling numb, and that whole ‘peace on earth’ concept is starting to seem a bit distant. Here are five tips to throw the perfect party anyway.
1. Deck The Halls
Nothing perks up the spirit like some beautiful decorations! When you walk into a room adorned with holly, glittering Christmas lights, or a classic nativity scene, you can’t help but realize that you’re excluding other religions and maybe you’re part of the problem. Never fear! You can still decorate in a way that hints at all religions, while literally representing none of them. Try some white candles! But not too many. Then it’s a vigil. A vigil for the future we’ve been robbed of.
2. Give Gifts!
Give your friends and family something to show you care! Everyone loves presents! And surely giving the perfect gift will help ease your mounting seasonal anxiety! Of course, buying everyone something nice can get tough on the ol’ wallet, which is why we recommend buying small things that are unique to your loved one. Like nice chocolate, or soaps. Wait, how much do Ferrero Rocher cost? Holy shit. That’s capitalism for you. There’s always the option of filling up a stocking at the dollar store, but that might force you to wonder if sweatshops do anything fun for Christmas.
3. Play Those Classic Tunes
Sure, the holidays can be a tiny bit stressful, but that’s okay, because you chose some real bangers for your holiday playlist! Make sure to pick songs that everyone knows the words to and ensure that not a single moment goes by without distraction. Too much silence can lead to political conversations, and no one needs that right now! Remember, every moment without a lyric is another opportunity for people to inevitably start discussing Nazis, so pump those motherfucking tunes!
4. Drink To Your Health
Sharing a cup of cheer is a foolproof way to get through the holidays, especially if that cheer is 80 proof. Here’s my favourite eggnog recipe.
EGG NOG RECIPE:
Take one teaspoon of nutmeg, arrange it in a line using a credit card, and snort it.
Chase with three consecutive shots of rum.
You’ll be feeling the jollies in no time!
5. Eat A Sweet Treat
It isn’t a holiday unless you indulge in some delectable desserts! Gingerbread, chocolate, pie, eggnog – there are endless options for ways to eat your feelings. Every time you feel yourself wondering how long this whole ‘society’ thing is going to last, fill that gnawing emptiness with a diabetes-causing amount of sugar.
6. Gather Your Loved Ones
Everyone you know has social anxiety, so either invite a small group of people who know each other, or make sure everyone has an empty room they can go hyperventilate in.
7. Enjoy The Outdoors
We’re all dreaming of a white Christmas! Nothing says ‘Holidays’ like a building a snowman or going for a sleigh ride. Get out into that winter wonderland! That is, presuming the temperatures aren’t unseasonably hot due to Global Warming. How do you plan a party around a thing that only happens in songs now? Do you remember the last time it snowed on Christmas? I don’t.