MONTREAL – After the overwhelmingly positive response to two massive murals of the late Leonard Cohen, Montreal now requires all buildings to feature at least one mural of the rabbinical rock god.
“It is our aim to commemorate the passing of the most influential global artists to have emerged from our city,” said mayor Valérie Plante, “and until the important members of Arcade Fire start dropping, that’s Leonard. Montrealers want to bask in his reflected glory, whether or not we own any of his albums or actually like his dreary songs.
Our engineers have also discovered a practical value for the paintings, as his effortless stoicism actually helps the structural integrity of the buildings.”
Marc Vallée from the Urban Planning Department then presented the rules governing new murals. “The phase of Mr Cohen’s career depicted is dependent on the height of the building,” said Vallée. “Buildings three storeys and less will feature the young, vital folk-music ladies man of the sixties and seventies, while taller buildings will feature the middle aged, depressed ladies man of the eighties and beyond.”
“The moods depicted,” continued Vallée, “must run the full range between world-weary and sombre. Our website also has a diagram for the acceptable angles for his jaunty fedora. And I cannot emphasize this strongly enough: no mural is to feature the events in the Chelsea Hotel with Janis Joplin.”
In related news, a mural in memory of Corey Hart was partially completed on a crumbling overpass, but was abandoned when he emailed to say he was still alive.