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Renowned geneticist dismisses own earlier warnings about uprising of evil clones

BRUSSELS — Pre-eminent geneticist Dr. Javier Arantes stunned colleagues at the opening of the International Academy of Life Sciences (IALS) conference with a keynote speech celebrating the potential of human , contradicting his own earlier research and public comments on the issue.

“Recent discoveries make it not only possible but imperative that we our political and military leaders,” said Arantes, whom close associates remarked had begun parting his hair on the opposite side. “The enlightened rule of our masters…pardon, I mean, the enlightenment that would come from mastering human cloning would….rule? Yes, that ought to cover my tracks.”

Arantes spent the rest of the day collecting mouth swabs from baffled fellow scientists for an undisclosed but probably benign purpose. The MIT-trained geneticist gained fame in 2013 with an article in Nature identifying cloned organisms’ psychological instability and implacable hostility towards their originals. He has warned multiple times that human clones would attempt to subvert and conquer society.

“So much has changed since that paper was published,” Arantes explained, defending his change of heart during a panel discussion. “Genetics is an entirely different field now and I myself, you might say, am an entirely different man.”

The celebrated then abruptly excused himself and erupted in manic, sinister laughter in a locked washroom.

On Saturday, Arantes’ research foundation will host EU parliamentarians and the NATO Council at a private reception in their volcano lair on Come Unarmed Island.

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