Nation’s loser children try to convince themselves that this school year will be different

KINGSTON, ON – As students across the country gear up for the season, the nation’s dweebs, and uglies are preparing for the worst, while hoping – against all reason – for the best.

“Maybe I’ll only get stuffed into a few lockers this year” said 10-year-old Natalie McKinnon, the owner of an extensive paperweight collection.

“I’ve been working on my popular kid slang over the summer” she added, unaware that the popular kids had used their summers to invent several new words making fun of her tooth gap.

“I really feel like this is my year” said Lucy Choi, president and only member of her ’s foreign film club. “I might mistakenly get invited to a sleepover by one of the popular girls’ moms, and by the time I show up it will be too awkward for them to ask me to leave.”

Enis Douglas, who came back from vacation with some ridiculous looking dreadlocks, incorrectly added “My mom says when we grow up the popular kids will be the losers.”

Shortly before the opening bell however, all plans came undone when all of the nation’s tripped and fell over the stairs in front of the entire school.

BREAKING: We wrote a fucking book