PICKERING, ON – In the latest case of collateral damage by the volatile far Left, Pickering native Neil Davidson completely forgot his wife Laura’s 36th birthday this week, due to the vigilante actions of the Antifa movement.
“Your birthday’s September 22nd, and my dad’s birthday is October 27th, so I always mix it up and think you’re September 27th,” Davidson explained to his wife after being confronted. “Plus, I mean, my God, Antifa are at it again. So…”
While Davidson maintains his opposition to fascism, he claims the self-styled antifascist movement is only leading to increased violence, devolution of discourse, and wives’ birthdays being forgotten left and right.
“It’s like they just don’t care who they hurt,” Davidson said.
In addition to making Davidson forget his wife’s birthday, Antifa has also reportedly made him late for work on two occasions, rendered numerous household responsibilities temporarily impossible, and drunkenly ordered several skull-shaped rings online in his name.
“They’re actually, when you think about it, the real fascists in a way,” theorized Davidson, while driving his wife to the Keg on the threadbare hope that a table would be available. “But y’know, ‘he who fights monsters,’ I guess. I’m sorry honey, I hate that they’ve done this. When are we going to learn that this isn’t the way?”
Despite Antifa’s disruptive influence on the evening, Davidson was able to take his wife for an adequate dinner at a nearby Japanese place, before returning home and retiring to the bedroom – although he couldn’t do any of the agreed-upon ‘birthday stuff’, because of the divisive tactics of Black Lives Matter.