Leduc, AB – After promising herself that knitting was going to be “her thing”, Sharon Allan’s knitting needles are now collecting dust on the shelf storing her scrapbook materials, woodworking kit and hundreds of dollars of other dead hobby material.
“Who said I was done knitting? Learning to knit was different from the times I tried crocheting, scrapbooking, canning, learning Spanish or vinyl collecting”, Allan maintains. “I’m just putting the needles down while I look up some more knitting blueprints or whatever they’re called.”
“For Christmas, I’m pretty sure I’m going to make everyone socks.”
So far, Allan’s $163 investment in knitting supplies and a total cumulative effort of an hour and a half has yielded a sad bunch of pastel yarn that’ll never become a sock.
Though Allan insists that she’ll knit again when “the time is right”, other sources report that the shelf has become a headstone to commemorate every dead hobby Allan halfheartedly took on.
Next to her knitting needles are untouched craft supplies and how-to books, which sit on a half-built IKEA shelf, frozen in time.
When asked when she will resume knitting again, Allan said she can’t think about knitting until she gets her kombucha Youtube channel up and running.
“The show is going to be called “You Kom-betcha!” and it’s going to be me showing viewers how to ferment your own kombucha. I mean, I’ll need to create my own recipe, buy proper lighting equipment and mason jars. Wow, I’ll need to get a lot of mason jars.”
At press time, Allan had taken up croquet to distract her from the mason jar problem.