VANCOUVER – After attending a production of La Bohème local resident Katy Berks has erroneously reported that it was an enjoyable and enriching experience.
“I just had the best time at the opera” stated Berks, directly contradicting her personal experience “It was lovely to watch a vibrant and relevant art form.”
La Bohème is a 4 act opera written in antiquated Italian. It tells the story of starving artists who drink and lie until one of them eventually dies of tuberculosis, a story that six figure earning PR rep Berks pretended to identify with.
“There are many things that one might feel while watching opera: intellectual curiosity, superiority, smugness. But enjoyment is not one of them,” stated Vancouver Opera Artistic director Kim Gaynor. “We are hoping that Berks can encourage more people to lie about enjoying the opera. It’s a great opportunity for us.”
“I was heartened but surprised to hear someone enjoyed the opera.” reported Tyrone Micibs who played Rodolfo in the production. “I sure as hell didn’t. It long and it’s boring. I wish I could just call it quits and get a normal job, but I’m addicted to all the attention from the opera groupies that swarm my dressing room after every production.”
The last person to enjoy an Opera was Salvatore Enrics, who experienced happiness while watching a production of Carmen in 1910.
“This seems pretty typical of Katy” reported friend Carl Stager “last summer she told me how invigorated and healthy she felt after a juice cleanse. She says that she’s my friend, but when someone can look you dead in the eye and lie like that you just trust them.”
Berks is currently lieing on twitter that she prefers watching a baseball game under the hot sun in the 500 section instead of the comfort of her own home.