HAMILTON – Local boyfriend Ivan Reid plans to surprise his new girlfriend Jen this weekend with a romantic picnic spread that is at least 80% kielbasa.
“My Tinder profile says I’m spontaneous, I like the outdoors and I’m a bit of a foodie. I feel like this picnic will remind her why she swiped right in the first place.”
According to sources close to Reid, the idea for the picnic came about while he perused the deli meat aisle and noticed the spiced Polish sausages were enjoying a rare half off sale, due in part to a looming best before date, which meant Reid had to act fast.
Upon leaving the store, he booked the small patch of artificial grass at his condo building, and then texted Jen three emojis: a picnic basket, a clock and sweat droplets.
“The half price sale really made it seem like the stars had aligned for us. We’ve been dating for 6 weeks, so it feels like the right time to do something really special for her,” said Reid while spotting a friend at the gym. “Eight links of kielbasa special.”
Along with the kielbasa, Reid packed two packages of pre-cooked hard-boiled eggs, a dented can of chickpeas and some red delicious apples.
Reid’s former girlfriend, Jen however expressed some misgivings about the plan.
“You’d think he’d have learned by now that the way to a woman’s heart isn’t through discount meats especially after what happened during the first and last Christmas we shared together.”
At press time Reid was spotted purchasing a case of room-temperature Brio to add to the basket.
