VANCOUVER – With only two days to go before the province votes, the British Columbia provincial NDP is frantically looking for some way, any way, to hand this election to the Liberals again.
“Come on people, there has to be something we haven’t thought of,” said exasperated party leader John Horgan, staring at a whiteboard covered with dozens of crossed-out suggestions. “We’ve haven’t held a government in 16 years and I’ll be damned if we start now.”
The NDP’s tradition of losing to incompetent and/or corrupt candidates is a long and storied one, not counting a 10 year period where the party embarrassingly won two elections back-to-back. Many NDP voters would view a Horgan victory as a betrayal of the values that they voted for.
“I vote NDP for one reason and one reason only,” said Michael Orek, a tech sector employee. “So I can complain and act superior when the Liberal government continues to slowly destroy British Columbia. How can I do that if the NDP wins?”
At press time, the NDP had shifted focus and are now trying their best to lose to the Green Party instead.