Amazing! Man mad! - The Beaverton

Amazing! Man mad!

Strap yourself in, because this is really something! In an inspirational departure from the norm, it appears local man Seth Kellerson is very angry and expressing that anger on the internet. Truly, this intrepid explorer is wading into unknown territory!

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” gasped Brian Erwin, who noticed Seth on a facebook comment thread. “When I saw him call someone a feminazi soft commie-cuck, I involuntarily squealed ‘this is better than the moon landing!’”

What a guy Seth is! He’s like both a modern day Lewis and a modern day Clark! We all know how boring the internet can be – serene, snoozy, nothing but reasoned discourse and compassion – and along comes Seth to spice it up with a toxic rage nobody could have predicted or has seen before! We’re all literally shrieking with exhilaration!

But our hero won’t limit himself to the confines of the world wide web, no sirs and madams! He’s been also spotted out in public being rip-roaring angry! Bystanders say he heroically shouted at a street-involved youth to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, and declared Sharia law disgusting. Karen Geier of Toronto called it “refreshing, even avant-garde”.

“He didn’t stop there, either,” Geier continued. “He noticed my friend and I watching him, and he asked me out on a date. When I declined, he roared that it was ‘my loss’ because he’s such a nice guy. It was so incredible that he can express himself so fully!”

Geier and her friend, Kim Sturgess of Calgary, watched Seth forge along his uncharted path, muttering all the while that he was “so ready to fight” as long as someone “gave him a reason”. (Well, we’ll give you one, Seth: you’re a source of unbridled inspiration!) Sturgess smiled wistfully, knowing she’d witnessed something historic: “He’s gone now, but it’s like I can still hear his bellows right next to me! I’m in awe.”

Wait! Holy cow! Stop the presses! If you can believe it, Seth just topped himself. He did something we’ve literally never seen before by confessing that he’s “just telling it like it is”. Wow! Breathless.

  •  ♥ 
  •  🍆 
  • LOL 
  • I do not know how I feel about this 
  • I just want to click a button 
Want to support The Beaverton? Why not buy a copy of our hilarious first book?