“Futon, beige. Moderately used,” reads the ad. “2 billion dollars, or best offer.”
The futon, universally considered to be ‘pretty ratchet’ has been in the City Hall rec room since Mel Lastman used the place as a warehouse outlet for Bad Boy furniture.
Nevertheless, Tory believes he will be able to sell it, cigarette burns and all, using the power of political compromise.
“Tell you what,” said Tory, in a message to one prospective buyer. “I’ll give it to you for 65 bucks, if you stop asking what part of Lastman’s body those stains came from.”
At press time, Mayor Tory was also selling the city hall mini-fridge, in a last, desperate bid not to raise property taxes.