“This is our softest bathroom tissue ever,” said spokesperson Allan Dockers. “So long as customers trim their nails.”
According to Dockers, in addition to using zero trees in its manufacturing, the new product line is so lightweight and compact that “most consumers in testing forgot they were actually carrying it around.”
Royale admits the concept faced scepticism during development.
“Our paper mill partners were initially very hesitant,” explained Dockers. “But once we explained just how little paper we would require from them and the potential return, their executives actually spent ten whole minutes arguing who would shake hands with us. Which makes it really odd that after all that they decided to just go with a fist bump.”
The company released a number of promotional images that will feature in the new toilet paper’s accompanying marketing campaign.
Royale will be replacing the soft white kittens normally featured in its ads with hairless Sphinx cats and the slogan “nothing is as smooth.”
The benefits became very apparent when the prototype was tested in focus groups.
“It’s small, lightweight, and leaves absolutely no paper residue,” continued Dockers. “A small segment our subjects also found wiping with it to be extremely pleasurable – like, on a level not before seen.”