Residents of the island province have spent weeks transfixed on the latest hot gossip regarding Jack Currie, 38, a welder, and his wife Cheryl Currie, 39, a registered nurse. Stories began running early September with The Tater’s now infamous headline “Jack’s Mistake: IS THIS THE END?” after the couple had a public disagreement over whether to watch Sully or Yoga Hosers in theaters. The resulting shockwaves continue to reverberate throughout the province.
“Ohh, that was a real scandal, that,” said Cornwall woman Susan Harris. “Real juicy stuff to talk about on bingo night.”
“There was a good one about Cheryl only buying half a dozen eggs one weekend,” added Point Prim woman Barbara Kennedy. “See, because that’s not a ‘ticularly normal amount of eggs to buy and you could have some extenuating circumstances there.”
The couple reports that the hounding from the press has become nearly unbearable, with PEI’s single tabloid photographer Jasper Moyle giving them his undivided attention whenever not working his day job at the fruit market.
“Can’t get a damn hour between 5pm and 9pm to ourselves,” grumbled Jack, as Jasper photographed him and Cheryl exiting a local Tim Hortons. “I’d clock that guy if he hadn’t been the best man at my brother’s wedding.”
Jack and Cheryl, recently dubbed “Jeryl” by The Tater, have now received the most media media attention of any PEI residents since Gary Wu caught a three-foot lobster in Savage Harbour, and are hoping that they can return to private life soon.
“It’s gotten truly ridiculous,” said Cheryl. “People making a mountain out of a molehill, when there’re so many more important things to write about.”
“Like my neighbour, Mary Leonard. She hasn’t trimmed her weeds in ten days.”