TORONTO – A local couple has purchased Toronto’s last piece of real estate that could reasonably be maintained by an average-income family, that is also free of tormented spirits.
“We really lucked out,” said Susan Boer, signing the deed to the Regent Park semi-detached. “You definitely get a feeling of sorrow about the place, but that’s more the result of half a century of the prevailing social conditions in the area than anything else.”
The Boers purchased the house this past week, after narrowly deciding that a place in the Annex was not worth living with the ghost of an 1850’s archaeology professor who found out too much.
“All the non-haunted places were bound to get snapped up eventually,” said Toronto resident Paul Ortiz, a paramedic. “I guess my partner and I will have to invest in some blessed medals of St. Benedict Jubilee next time we go house hunting.”
Experts are saying that this development in the housing market comes in stark contrast to the trends of the last few decades, when modern conveniences caused the value of haunted real estate nationwide to plummet. Now even the most ghost-afflicted homes can fetch a good price, given proximity to good schools.
“Four generations ago a sorcerer cursed my family to live in a haunted house until we could be rid of it through honest sale,” said Cabbagetown resident Linda Johansen. “I thought I’d be doomed to the same fate as my forebears, but with the cost of a condo these days the offers are just flying in.”
The now necessary interest in haunted real estate by younger families has led to agents offering ghost-deficit services, auditing the price deduction that a particular spirit will offer against their day-to-day impact on life.
“We were on the fence for a while, but our agent finally convinced us to buy a banshee,” said local man Greg Delaney. “Sure, there’s the lack of sleep and the possibility of soul rending death, but you can’t argue when it knocks 100k off the asking price.”
