TORONTO – After being cleared of two charges of criminal harassment in a high-profile case this afternoon, Toronto-man Gregory Elliot is now free to begin sending aggressive escalating messages to a particular woman in the jury.
“I noticed this one cute girl in the jury,” said Elliot, “so I decided to follow on her on Twitter to see what she’s all about. Turns out Ms. Opinions over there has some things to say about equal pay in Hollywood.”
The juror, who has asked to remain anonymous, claims that she had never met Mr. Elliot before the trial and that the messages she received were a surprise. She decided at first to try conversing with Mr. Elliot in a calm manner.
“I just couldn’t get it through to her that she was wrong,” continued Elliot. “So I had to start getting a little aggressive, you know? Insult her values, and then her physical appearance when that didn’t work.”
Elliot reports that it was when the juror blocked him on Twitter that was when he knew he had to try extra hard to have himself heard.
“I don’t know what the big deal with aggressive speech is. I know that I’m not going to cross that line and physically confront or harm you, so I think it’s completely reasonable for you, knowing nothing about me or my tendencies toward violence or how mentally balanced I am, to assume that exact same thing.”
Elliot excused himself for a moment to respond to a tweet from a local restaurant that the juror was currently eating at.
“Sorry, I need to keep tabs on this woman I don’t know to tell her that she’s wrong about things. Being free to do that sure is great.”
