In historic first, superhero saves day without fatalities, extensive city damage - The Beaverton

In historic first, superhero saves day without fatalities, extensive city damage

EDMONTON – This month marks the first time in Canadian superhero history that a city has been saved without extensive damage to property, any injuries or fatalities.

On October 16th, a supervillain porcine humanoid known as Mayham attempted to poison the water supply of the Churchill Square fountain. His efforts were thwarted by Stonefist, a local superhero with the ability to manipulate earth elements.

Unlike when or defeat bad guys, the showdown between Mayham and Stonefist was surprisingly contained. Regular witnesses to these sort of battles know that they can usually expect at the very least a couple of flipped cars, fires, arbitrary building implosions, and of course, the police department being way in over their heads.

However, witnesses report that this showdown was not as messy as they expected. “The first thing [Stonefist] did was cut the water in the fountain,” reports John Juanson, an Edmonton dweller. “Then he ran up to Mayham and put him in a headlock. Neither of them used superplowers or nothin’ [sic].”

Once Mayham was cuffed and placed in the back of a squad car, Stonefist returned to the scene of the altercation to place traffic cones and sweep up the disturbed patches of ground they’d treaded on. Witnesses report that after Stonefist had responsibly cleared up the area, he called to have the fountain water detoxified and rendered safe for the city’s residents.

At press time, the mayor has yet to comment as it seems like almost nothing happened. Stonefist is still on hold with the Department of Water Purification and Irrigation Systems of Edmonton and the Greater Edmonton Area.