TOKYO, JAPAN – Following reports that the prominent video game publisher would cease all development on console games, the Konami game company reportedly extended their financial life by entering the button combination: Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A.
“Things looked grim when it was announced that we would cease production on all non-mobile games” confided Konami president Takuya Kozuki. “But by returning to our company’s founding principles – namely by entering U, U, D, D, L, R, L, R, B, A – we were not only able to return to full corporate strength, but were granted ninety-nine additional lives, cool hidden weapons and infinite gold.”
While market confidence in the game giant has soared, business analysts remain split on whether entering the secret combination of buttons to gain extra lives constitutes a securities violation or “cheat”.
Having regained corporate stability through the use of this proprietary “code”, Konami has announced plans to return to releasing Metal Gear Solid games once every decade or so.