WASHINGTON— Reporting on the separation of Muppet characters Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy, commentators for the Fox News Network have blamed the stars’ break-up on the alternative and subversive relationship of Sesame Street regulars Bert and Ernie.
“It’s enormously sad to see a couple as rock solid as Kermit and Piggy get torn apart” said Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly of the children’s characters, “and it’s not a stretch to say that this is an example of how the homosexual agenda has permanently eroded America’s family values.”
When a guest commentator pointed out that Piggy and Kermit had a long history of disagreements, Kelly abruptly began recounting the time Bert and Ernie exchanged unusable yuletide presents, “launching not just an attack on marriage, but yet another salvo in the War on Christmas.”
Echoing Kelly, panelist Ann Coulter stated, “We can only estimate the damage done to the Kermit and Miss Piggy relationship by that crossover episode where Kermit saw Bert and Ernie take a bath together.”
Later that evening Fox News personality Sean Hannity brought up Bert and Ernie’s refusal to apologize to Kermit and Piggy for cheapening the frog and pig’s on-again-off-again romance with their committed 30 years of cohabitation. Hannity further insisted that this clearly signaled a hidden agenda, aiming to turn all heterosexual puppets into gay puppets.
“This would be a complete subversion of the natural desire of puppets to marry women, live in garbage cans, and be talking, giant birds.”
At press time, close friend of the couple Gonzo expressed sincere hope that concerns about gay marriage creating a slippery slope to Muppet-on-chicken marriage were 100% well-founded.