TORONTO – Despite giving several vague answers on the topic in recent weeks, local woman Anna Trawley, 26, confirmed yesterday that she is “yeah…still probably going to watch the last season of True Blood.” Trawley then reportedly let out a deep sigh and walked away to prepare to watch what she later called that “godawful show that’s already stolen like sixty hours of my life. Fuck.”
When asked follow up questions, Trawley was quick to clarify her position to reporters. “Look, I’m not saying everything about the show right now isn’t totally horrible. It is. I’m just saying that this Sunday at 9 pm, rather than spend time with friends or family or just watch a better show, that I will be in my pajamas watching two pretend vampires simulate sex.”
“Well of course I was,” Trawley heatedly replied when asked for comment on the claim that she had previously been very fond of the melodrama. “I was twenty. I thought Bruno Mars was the best. It’s been six goddamn years, I’m a completely different person than I was then. And Sookie still hasn’t settled on a boyfriend, by the way. I don’t have time for this. Just pick one and get it over with. Bill? Eric? That weird faerie guy thing? I don’t care. Nobody cares. But I’ve already invested so much time watching it, at this point the best thing to do is just keep my eyes on the prize and get through this series so I can finally have time to watch Penny Dreadful or something.”
When asked about which characters she hoped would survive the final season, Trawley replied “Oh, I totally don’t care whether any of them lives or dies. Not a bit. What I do care about is finishing off this mockery of a series. You know what would have been the best ending to last season? If everyone had just died at the end of last season. God, I hate this show.”
At press time, Trawley was miserably buying the second Sex and the City movie on DVD.