BRAZIL – Following an illegal bite during the Italy-Uruguay match, Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini is now fated to become Luis Suarez at every full moon, forever.
“Our hearts go out to Giorgio and his family in this difficult time,” read an official statement from the Italian national team. “He will always be a member of this organization, even if he becomes an absolute monster for a few nights each month.”
“A racist, biting, piece of shit monster.”
Few options remain open to Chiellini. While his playing career may continue, the curse can only be lifted if a referee gives Suarez a silver card and then beheads him.
Most football fans support this course of action.
This is not the first time a player has found themselves cursed during the World Cup. Since 2006, Italian footballer Marco Materazzi has spent every full moon roaming the woods as an enormous bald forehead.
