Name: Yukon College
Nickname: That Place Out by Mountain View Drive Where You Can At Least Hide From The Wolves For A Couple Of Hours
Motto: “Do you think the wolves have moved on yet?”
History is meaningless in the North. How do you write a history of stone? How do you write a history of ice? How do you write a history of wind that cuts through fur and cloth and flesh: that paralyzes the very soul? How do you write a history of blood torn from the throat by white teeth; blood that freezes on contact with the air and lands among the powder like cold garnets? The North has no history. The North has no future. The North has only the North.
– You can see Russia from your dorm.
-The almost constant darkness of the winter months gives you the perfect excuse to play videogames all day.
– All rooms are heated by burning seal fat, also known as Yukon Incense.
– The arctic circle will remake you in its own image. You will become cold. You will become hard. You will become indomitable.
– It’s estimated that 10% of tenured professors are polar bears in disguise. Be wary if office hours are held on ice floes.
– The seal fat you burn to heat your room comes out of your meal plan.
– You will almost certainly resort to cannibalism within your first semester.
– The most common STI on campus is frostbite.
Did you know?
…Yukon College has consistently won Distance Magazine’s coveted “Farthest Away” award since 1983? Take that University of Victoria!
…That the wolves may have learned how to open doors?
…That this will probably never be read by anyone from Yukon College?
…That at Yukon College, “Freshman Fifteen” is a term that refers to the number of fellow first years you will eat, on average?
Abominable Snowman, prominent Snowmen’s rights activist and owner of the blog “A Voice for Snowmen”
Wulf, Prominent wolf and youngest pack leader in Yukon history
Dr. Mitchell Fort, Wolf historian and wolf