York University: University Reviews 2013 - The Beaverton

York University: University Reviews 2013

Name: York University

Nickname: Ol’ U of

Motto: “The Detroit of Universities”


Founded in 1959 by a group of zoning fetishists who wanted a university that was located in Toronto in only the most technical sense, York U has the rare distinction of being a university where it is easier to get accepted than it is to get either to or from the campus. Modelled on Stalingrad’s historic “Grey District”, York was constructed at the height of Cold War paranoia. To this day, its buildings are so stuffed with asbestos and lead that anybody inside them during a nuclear strike would only be a little completely, totally and irremediably fucked. In recent decades, York University has come under fire for having one of the most prestigious law schools in Canada, and for thereby contributing to the nationwide infestation of lawyers.


– According to the University administration, sexual assault has never been, is not, and will never be a problem on campus.

– By the time this is published, York will probably be on strike again. Four month weekend, babe!

– Off-campus experience is incredible by comparison.

– For you Valentine’s day lovers, the campus feels like February all year round!

– As parking on campus can reach $15000 over 4 years, York now offers it as a major.


– In order to get here, you have to catch the train that takes you to the bus that takes you to the other bus that takes you to the third bus that takes you to the place where it’s only a twenty five minute walk to class.

– ‘Battle of the Village’ kegger ends with prisoners being drunkenly executed.

– Illustrious jazz program means you’ll probably be exposed to jazz.

– Seriously, a lot of people get sexually assaulted here. It’s a known problem.

Did you know…

…Many of the architects who designed York University were extraordinarily depressed?

…Did you know that York University won Rape Apologist Monthly’s “Most Female Friendly Campus” award in 2012, and Toxic Professional Environment Monthly’s “Most Toxic Professional Environment” award in 2013?

…Glendon College is Toronto’s only bilingual campus, speaking both Swahili and Temple Lithuanian?

…That there’s more than one university in Toronto, you elitist UofT jerkbag?

Famous Alumni:

, Owner and editor of the fashion magazine, Flahre

Bora Laskin, Chief Justice of the Just Ice institute for the promotion and advancement of ice.

, Host of the CBC radio show, Jian Ghomeshi’s Smug, with Jian Ghomeshi.

, Tough to make a joke about (she seems really nice)