TORONTO – Hoping to build momentum and political capital in the new year, Mayor Rob Ford recently unveiled his new double vision plan for the city.
“We’re gonna totally end this fucking gravy train, lower taxes and take our cars and just…and just go,” Ford yelled at an impromptu press conference before a random couple walking their dog.
The mayor’s double vision plan was short of details, but he assured the polite couple that “some guy” had the details back at his office. Ford then proceeded to hiccup for a full seven minutes before repeating his previous statement.
Queried as to when his bold new plan would take effect, the mayor indicated it would be quite soon, in fact just as soon as “the room stops spinning.”
“Does anyone know a good all-day breakfast place?” he added.
Ford ended the press conference by turning to recent criticism of his behaviour, including reports that he had been removed from a gala for public intoxication. He denied the charges, stating “all these accusations are as baseless and flat as Sarah Thompson’s ass.”
