AUSTIN, TX – In a move that surprised no one paying attention, billionaire baby daddy Elon Musk has shown as much long term interest in Twitter as he does in his nine children (that we know…
Tag: Twitter
“Did a thing!” posts white woman who has either cut her hair or invaded the nation of Kosovo
WINNIPEG – Friends and family of Jennifer Higgens reacted with trepidation after the 32-year-old tweeted that she “did a thing” this past Saturday afternoon, unsure if their loved one had e…
Right-Wingers confident they have finally found the twitter hashtag that gets Trudeau to resign
OTTAWA – Right-wingers across the country are confident that, despite all previous 8,327 trending twitter hashtags failing to convince Justin Trudeau to resign, this next one will be the on…
Twitter bursts into flames and rams pedestrians immediately after Musk buy
SAN FRANCISCO – After Tesla CEO and richest man alive Elon Musk’s bid to buy controlling shares of Twitter succeeded, the app subsequently burst into flames and began ramming nearby pedestr…
“Zuckerberg has too much power” says billionaire who vacations in space
VANCOUVER – Noted space vacationer and inventor of the world’s doucheiest car Elon Musk publicly criticized Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg for holding too much social and political influe…
“As we know, I invented Twitter” claims Elon Musk three months from now
SAN FRANCISCO — Tech billionaire Elon Musk launched a hostile takeover of Twitter today shortly after becoming the company’s single largest shareholder. While the social media platform’s future i…
New Tesla safety feature requires user retweet Elon Musk to start vehicle
AUSTIN, TX — On the heels of news that Elon Musk had become Twitter’s single largest shareholder, Tesla Motors has unveiled a new safety feature requiring the driver to demonstrate being ca…
Federal election downgraded to Twitter poll with Trudeau asking, “Do you like me?”
OTTAWA – Recently, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau asked for a dissolution of parliament. With many condemning him due to its unencessity, Trudeau took to his Twitter, instead, to run a poll …
Torontonian engages in beloved Toronto pastime of threatening to leave Toronto
TORONTO – Torontonian and lesser media personality Jon Stills sparked a lively online conversation last Thursday after a Twitter thread continued the longstanding and beloved Toronto pastim…
Woman with death wish shares opinion on Twitter
SASKATOON, SK – Local woman Audrey Cortland has boldly dared to voice an opinion on Twitter, because apparently she has a fucking death wish. “This past year has been incredibly difficult for eve…