WASHINGTON, D.C. — US President Donald Trump waxed nostalgic about how he single-handedly prevented the September 11 terrorist attacks from ever happening. Trump told a group of supporters that, …
Tag: Trump
Counter-Tariffs take effect as Canadians brace for life without American truck nutz
OTTAWA – With anti-American counter-tariffs taking effect as of September 8th, Canadians will be forced to make due without easy market access to their most-purchased American products, nam…
Google Maps changes name to Lake America after people start to forget tech giants also pretty awful
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – Google Maps has changed the name of Lake Ontario to “Lake America” for their U.S. users, after realizing President Trump’s willful malevolence had dist…
Trump throws himself military parade after bravely chickening out on Canadian tariffs
WASHINGTON D.C. – Hours after heroically declaring a pause on tariffs aimed at destroying the Canadian economy, President Trump has organized yet another military parade for himself to comm…
Breaking: Man who keeps shitting himself in public tough to pin down on international trade deal
“I wonder why diaper grandpa keeps changing his mind on CUSMA?” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and Janel Comeau) talk about the latest in the Trade War, the debate about whether Co…
Carney insists he won negotiations to finally open TrumpCoin International Bridge
OTTAWA – Mark Carney is declaring victory after he was able to work out a deal to finally open the TrumpCoin International Bridge, sponsored by Trumpstore.com “Canadians have been wai…
Trump declares 100% tariff on waffles
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Belgium defeating the United States team 4-1 to knock them out of the World Cup, U.S. President Trump has declared a 100% tariff on all waffle imports. “This de…
Everything you need to know about Trump’s Iran deal
The details of Trump’s Memorandum Of Understanding with Iran have finally been released. Here is everything you need to know. 1. The deal is a 14 point plan, one point for every time Trump …
B4-4, Sugar Jones, Serial Joe announce withdrawal from Trump’s Freedom 250 Celebration
WASHINGTON D.C. – After facing cancellations from numerous d-list musicians, organizers of the Trump-aligned Freedom 250 Celebration have reportedly also seen withdrawals from similarly obs…
President misses own son’s wedding due to high-level not wanting to go
WASHINGTON D.C. – The President of the United States will be forced to miss the second wedding of his eldest son this weekend, due to a top secret executive branch-level not giving a shit. …
