TORONTO – Sources inside the 9:55 a.m. university line southbound subway have confirmed that everyone on the car does in fact, smell like shit. “Oh god,” said legal secretary Mary Cook, as …
Tag: transit
Via Rail announces new slightly faster than slow train between Toronto and Montreal
MONTREAL – In response to growing competition from airplanes, buses, automobiles and walking, Via Rail unveiled its new mediocre-speed train for the Toronto-Montreal corridor on Monday. “Th…
Toronto casino promises to bring prosperity to local casino owners
TORONTO – The Toronto City council will meet later this month to vote on a proposed downtown casino development: one that supporters promise will bring vast wealth to the literally tens of …
Machismo exhibited by not holding pole in subway car
TORONTO – Local commuter Jeff Saunders impressed passengers on a subway car when he abstained from holding the pole as the train came to a halt, sources reported last week. As the subway de…
Construction begins on Toronto’s Canal Transit System
TORONTO – Following years of budgetary concerns and disputes over the best way to retrofit Toronto’s public transit system, construction for the first line of Toronto’s new Canal Transit Sy…
Jesus Christ stuck in big traffic jam
SOUTH GLENGARRY, – An overturned tractor trailer in the eastbound lane of the 401 near the Ontario-Quebec border is creating massive traffic jams and severe delays for Jesus Christ, who was…
TTC Union and makers of Grand Theft Auto team up to create realistic video game full of delays
OAKVILLE, ON – Rockstar Games, famous for its critically acclaimed “Grand Theft Auto” video game series, has teamed up with the Toronto Transit Commission workers’ union to crea…
Hey brotha can you kick that Cheeto over my way
By Subway Mouse Hey you! Yeah, you over there with the newspaper. I need a favour. You see that Cheeto sitting over there by the tracks? I need you to get that for me. All you got to do is jump d…
Miller announces last minute, drastically scaled-back transit upgrade
TORONTO – Amid growing uncertainties regarding the future of transit expansion in the GTA, Toronto Mayor David Miller held an impromptu press conference this morning to discuss a drastically scal…
