OTTAWA — In a small office located within the bowels of Stephen Harper’s PMO sits a young man responsible for halting all Syrian refugee applications. When he’s not busy wiretapping Justin …
Tag: Syria
Conservative candidate resigns after reading Conservative platform out loud
DUNVILLE, ON — Another local Conservative candidate has resigned today after he read the Conservative Party platform out loud offending many who heard it. Gordon McPherson, Conservative can…
Chris Alexander asks Syrian refugees to wait six more weeks until Conservatives re-elected
AJAX — Citizenship and Immigration Minister Chris Alexander has told refugees escaping war-torn Syria and Iraq to hang tight until the Conservatives are given another majority government by…
Chris Alexander: “If I could do it over again, I would have denied a different child’s refugee claim”
AJAX – Following the revelation that the deceased Syrian child depicted in a now-famous photograph was denied a Canadian refugee claim, Federal Immigration Minister Chris Alexander has assu…
ISIS latest group to denounce “The Fat Jew”
RAQQA, SYRIA – Citing the overwhelming backlash surrounding Instagram star Josh Ostrovsky, better known as The Fat Jew, signing with CAA, the Islamic State announced Monday that it has removed th…
Tory travel ban successfully forces extremist to book connecting flight out of Frankfurt
GERMANY – A new initiative by the Tory government seeking to outlaw travel to nations with terrorist activity has successfully forced 27 year-old extremist, Fadi Zubeidi, to book a non-dire…
ISIS militants unwind by destroying charming little brunch place
SYRIA – After nearly three weeks straight of destroying artwork, murdering innocent civilians, and unlawfully annexing territory, ISIS soldiers Dafiq al-Adnani and Labid al-Tikriti relaxed …
Canada will drop ‘very smart bombs’ programmed to understand complexities of Syrian conflict
OTTAWA – Defence Minister Jason Kenney has assured the Canadian public the bombs being dropped on Syria will be of the ‘very smart bomb’ variety fully capable of understanding the complicat…
Harper to accept Syrian refugees who can prove no ties to Middle East
OTTAWA – At a press conference today, the Prime Minister announced plans to begin fast-tracking refugee applications from any and all Syrian refugees who can prove they’ve never visited the…
