OTTAWA – It’s the end of another parliamentary session, and that means the Members of the Canadian House of Commons are ready to eat, drink and cut loose at the traditional end of session s…
Tag: parliament
Canada immediately engulfed by holy fire after scrapping blasphemy law
CANADA – The entirety of Canada is in flames today after the Liberal party introduced legislation to repeal unnecessary sections of the criminal code, including the section that prohibits b…
Guide To: Canada’s Parliament
Canada’s Parliament. More than just a building where MPs gather to practice their ‘shame’ chants. In this Beaverton digital exclusive, we simplify things.…
Breaking: The Beaverton obtains Parliamentary Press Pass
OTTAWA – In order to better compete with other media and bring readers the most reliable fake news, the Beaverton is going directly to the source and has been granted access to the Parliame…
Melting snow reveals dozens of discarded MPs on Parliament lawn
OTTAWA – Spring has finally arrived in the nation’s capital, revealing a winter’s worth of discarded legislators strewn across the Parliamentary lawn that were, until recently, concealed under la…
Public Service Orientation for new employees to phase out hazing rituals
OTTAWA — The organization responsible for Canada’s Public Service has announced that it will no longer require new civil servants to be initiated through humiliating forms of abuse and hara…
120 year-old time capsule reveals Ottawa just as boring as it is now
OTTAWA – After being hidden away for years in Parliament, a time capsule filled with aging artifacts has revealed that Ottawa was just dull and uninteresting as it is now. The capsule, whic…
School kids, MPs really excited for summer vacation
OTTAWA – As summer vacation approaches fast, the two groups of people who get the entire time off, young children and members of parliament, are both very excited for it to begin. “I can’t …
Conservative MP Brad Butt claims he saw Big Foot stealing voter cards
OTTAWA – The Member of Parliament who claimed he saw people committing voter fraud is now claiming he saw Sasquatch stealing voter cards out of recycling bins. “Mr. Speaker, I have seen thi…
Israeli Prime Minister Stephen Harper returns after long visit in Canada
TEL AVIV – After nine long years travelling in Canada to promote his country, Israel’s prime minister Stephen Harper is finally back in his homeland. “From what I have learned, Canada is a …