GENEVA – Following reports of sustained violence and the rise of dangerous militant and political groups, the United Nations is allocating 40,000 peacekeepers to the US in an attempt to mai…
Tag: Obama
Turkey pardoned by Obama re-offends, back on death row
WASHINGTON, DC — The turkey who was recently pardoned by US President Barack Obama yesterday was apprehended last night after a vicious crime spree that left one dead. The 40 pound turkey k…
Keystone XL execs wonder what to do with 200,000 ‘Bitumen Is My Homeboy’ t-shirts
CALGARY — TransCanada Corporation is clueless about what to do with hundreds of thousands of pro-Keystone pipeline t-shirts now that US President Barack Obama has turned down the $8 billion…
Harper renames Mount Logan to Mount Denial
WHITEHORSE – Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has officially changed the name of Mount Logan to Mount Denial when he visited the Yukon capital city earlier this week. The announcement comes…
Iran and US agree to destroy world slowly via nuclear power instead
WASHINGTON – World powers and Iran struck a historic agreement Tuesday; Iran has agreed to curb its nuclear capabilities, putting the possibility of nuclear weapons out of reach, and drawing prai…
Republicans looking forward to using less racism, more sexism
WASHINGTON D.C. – In the wake of Hillary Clinton’s announcement that she will be running for President of the United States of America, many Republicans are relieved that they will be able …
Child’s wish ‘it could be Christmas today’ granted; havoc ensues
ST. JOHN’S – The entire world was thrown into chaos this week, as 6 year old Tyler Smith’s request that “I wish Christmas was already here” as he fell asleep was inexplicably and cruelly granted,…
Harper tells Putin to ‘get out of Ukraine’
At the G20 Conference in Australia last weekend, Prime Minister Harper had a brief showdown with Russian President Vladimir Putin, telling him to “Get out of Ukraine.” What’s your say? “So…
Everything fixed after Canadian forces in Iraq for 2 months
BAGHDAD – Despite worries from opposition leaders and high-ranking military officers that the mission would spiral well beyond its initial timeframe, the presence of Canadian special forces…
Obama announces airstrikes against Ebola
WASHINGTON – Under heavy pressure from the international community to respond, President Barack Obama announced he will use surgical airstrikes in West Africa to defeat Ebola. “The United S…