TORONTO – Hockey insiders are starting to raise alarm bells about Auston Matthews inability to put up assists early in the 2023-2024 NHL season. “Yeah yeah it’s early, but 0 ass…
Tag: NHL
5 tips for betting on NHL preseason games while your whiny children beg you for attention
Another NHL season is almost upon us, but if you can’t wait to see your team play – or if you’re desperate for money – the preseason can give you your fix. Some people say preseason hockey is bor…
Toxic Actions of Toxic Coach of Toxic Sport in Toxic League exposed by Toxic Host of Toxic Podcast on Toxic Website
COLUMBUS – Sports media was buzzing yesterday as Mike Babock, who has a reputation for doing incredibly toxic things in his role as a hockey coach, resigned following allegations of more pr…
Sens fan confident that his bold predictions of success won’t make him look like a complete idiot this year
OTTAWA – Local Senators fan Morgan Horowitz is pretty sure that his confident proclamations that this is the year the Senators achieve team success won’t make him look like an absolut…
“The Leafs re-signing their best player is bad for them actually,” says brilliant hockey sage
TORONTO – The Leafs and franchise centre Auston Matthews have agreed to a 4 year, 53 million dollar contract extension in a move that numerous experts on twitter and reddit believe has doom…
Canadian NHL teams ranked by how furious I would be if they win a Cup before the Leafs
No Canadian team has won the Stanley Cup since 1993 (by pure coincidence the year Gary Bettman became NHL commissioner). And every year one team gets close there is a suggestion that all Canadian…
Bettman vows to build a whole new city in Arizona if he has to
PHOENIX, AZ – After numerous cities have voted against supporting the construction of a new arena for the Arizona Coyotes, a defiant Gary Bettman stated his intention to found an entirely n…
Leafs fan only wants most talented player in franchise history to re-sign if it’s at a discount
TORONTO – Demoralized and frustrated by the team’s lack of playoff success, Toronto Maple Leafs fan Mark Montrose says that if Hart, Rocket and Lindsay award winner Auston Matthews is…
Winners and Losers of the 2023 NHL draft based on the 5 minutes of research I did right before it started
Another first round of the NHL draft has come and gone. And if there is one thing we know about selecting a bunch of 18 year olds to play professional hockey for our teams 1-4 years down the line…
NHL honours its best by forcing them to listen to D-List celebrities mispronounce their names
NASHVILLE – After another successful season, the NHL will be celebrating its best players in traditional fashion, by making them sit in a crowded auditorium while a collection of obscure Am…
