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Tag: injury
World’s sick, injured travel to see NHL team doctors after they miraculously heal entire rosters in time for playoffs
LAS VEGAS – People with injuries and illnesses that conventional doctors have been unable to hear have begun making medical pilgrimages to see NHL team doctors after hearing how they were a…
“My fucking back!” reports nation
OTTAWA – Reports from homes across the nation have indicated that they’ve hurt their back shovelling snow once again. “God dammit, my fucking back,” said Keith, David, Ste…
NHL vows to protect players’ elbows from spate of vicious headbutts
TORONTO – The NHL has moved to drastically reduce the ongoing plague of league-wide elbow injuries via headbutts by reckless players. Despite growing awareness of the damage done to players…
Study finds cycling healthiest way to get hit by a car
MONTREAL – Confirming the widely-held belief popular amongst people who commute by bicycle, a new study has found that cycling is by far the healthiest way to get hit by a car and laid out …
BREAKING: Whoever getting on elevator at 2nd floor better be on fucking crutches
EDMONTON – Slowing down just a bit too early to already be at the ground floor, sources inside a local apartment building elevator report this morning that the person who called the elevato…
