“You pussies wouldn’t have the guts to make me the most powerful man in the country.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and special guest Rachel Gilmore) talk a…
Tag: curling
Canada invokes NATO Article 5 against Sweden following Olympic curling conflict
NORTH SEA – Following a dispute at the 2026 Winter Olympics in which the Swedish team accused Canadian players of cheating, Prime Minister Mark Carney has mobilized the whole of the Canadia…
Curling ad contains over two seconds of sizzling action
OTTAWA – Television viewers across the country have been wowed by a 30 second curling commercial that contains nearly 2.5 seconds of intense curling action. “I always thought curling was just an …
Curler’s boyfriend dreading being told to “hurry hard” in bed
GRIMSBY, ON ― 34-year-old Garret Larsen, boyfriend of local skip Eliza Dupont, has admitted that her tendency to compare their sex life to curling is starting to wear a little thin. “It was funny…
Lucky bonspiel spectator catches game-winning curling stone
ST. JOHN’S – Dougie McDonough, 44, got to fulfill every curling fan’s dream yesterday at a bonspiel final when he caught the game-winning stone at the expense of the majority of his bones. …
Curling team kicked off ice for being too sober
CALGARY — Local curling team, the Cowtown Curly Fries, were ejected from their match at the Calgary Bi-Annual Bonspiel yesterday for showing up to play completely unimpaired. Referee Dan Mi…
Young, hotshot Curling prospect turns 45
St. Alberta, AB – Richard ‘stone master’ Jones, the young bad boy of the Alberta curling scene, turned 45 years old yesterday. “Richard is clearly the next generation of Skips,” said TSN cu…
Historian confirms ancient Greek Olympic curling took place in the nude
LAVAL, QC – A recent study shows that the original Olympic athletes of ancient Greece, long thought to not practice any winter sports at all, did in fact compete at curling, and did so comp…
West Ontario ekes out curling win against East Southern Southwest Ontario
PORT COLBORNE, ON – Gutting out an underdog victory in an emotionally-charged nail-biter of a game, West Ontario has out-curled their arch-rivals, East Southern Southwest Ontario. “Tough ga…
