MONTREAL – After a morale-boosting spa day, Montreal’s arson squad returned to work yesterday only to find their offices destroyed by arson. “It’s been a long couple months for us. We’ve been wo...
Green party places Laraque on injured reserve with fraud accusation
MONTREAL – In an unexpected roster move, the Green Party transferred Georges Laraque to the injured reserve list yesterday with a fraud accusation. In a post-garden-visit press conference, Laraq...
Doctors admit ‘turn-your-head-and-cough’ procedure one big practical joke
TORONTO – The Canadian Medical Association announced today that the procedure of twisting a man’s scrotum and asking him to turn his head and cough is a longstanding prank. Until now, doctors cl...
In triumph of democracy, Harper writes laws for all future governments
OTTAWA – Seeking to strengthen democratic institutions, Prime Minister Stephen Harper used this week’s speech from the throne to announce the legislative agenda of all future governments. “Not e...
Senators on Throne Speech: ‘So this is what the Senate looks like’
OTTAWA – Members of the Canadian Senate were impressed to see the Senate Chambers for the first time during the Speech from the Throne early today. “It’s all red!” said an amazed Janis Johnson, ...
Throne Speech: 8 things Canadians can expect
OTTAWA – The Harper government will resume parliament with a Speech from the Throne today. Here are what Canadians can expect: 1. Reduced roaming charges for robo-calls made from cell phones 2. ...
Montreal construction industry eagerly awaits election of next employee
MONTREAL – Municipal election season is hiring season for construction firms in Montreal, coincidentally. “It’s been a rough summer for us,” said SNC Lavalin CEO Robert G Card. “A lot of our bes...
Rick Springfield arrested for stalking Jessie’s Girl
LOS ANGELES — Rick Springfield was arrested this week for violating the terms of a restraining order against the woman known only as ‘Jessie’s Girl.’ Few knew the 1980s rock an...
PROROGATION UPDATE: Harper thanks republicans for making him look so polite
OTTAWA – Taking some time out of his not-so-busy prorogation schedule yesterday, Prime Minister Stephen Harper wrote a letter to John Boehner and the Republican caucus thanking them for making h...
Local man suffers devastating loss of erection after girlfriend explains Zodiac compatibility
Cornwall, ON – The burgeoning relationship between Monica Carlstrom and Brent Sherway has been progressing steadily until 8 pm last night when tragedy struck. The couple was about to become intimate w...
