EDINBURGH – Responding to public outcry and concern over the recent scandal involving traces of horsemeat found in UK beef products, Scotland’s Food Standards Agency released a statement to…
World
UPDATE: Pope resigns to spend more time with kids
VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI announced his intention to resign from the Papacy on Sunday, and sources close to the Pope are saying he’s excited to spend more time with kids. “He’s got a lot o…
Pope resigns, refuses to give up hat
VATICAN CITY – In addition to his sudden resignation as leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI shocked the College of Cardinals by refusing to give up his ceremonial mitre. “I can no lo…
King Richard III’s skeleton given as trophy to descendants of family who killed him
LEICESTER, ENGLAND – Family members of the descendants that brutally cut down King Richard III during the Battle of Bosworth Field were ecstatic to receive the 561-year-old monarch’s skeleton as …
Unusually quiet, slumped over Hugo Chavez sworn in as Venezuelan President
CARACAS – Despite concerns about his deteriorating health, Hugo Chavez was sworn in as Venezuela’s President in a short ceremony in which he did not speak or move around all that much. Chavez, wh…
Egyptian president Mohamed Morsi acting like he doesn’t know what’s about to happen to him
EGYPT – With history about to repeat itself a mere two years since Hosni Murabak was ousted from his presidency and sentenced to life imprisonment, current Egyptian President Mohamed Morsi …
Israel drafts 14-year-old Becky to wage Twitter, Facebook war against Hamas
JERUSALEM – The Israeli Defence Force (IDF) has drafted 14-year-old Becky Anderson to wage a social media war against enemy forces in Gaza. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu approved the …
Prince Harry outraged by nude pics of Kate, barely able to masturbate to them
LONDON – Sources within Buckingham Palace have revealed that Prince Harry, currently third in line to the throne, has been so appalled and devastated by the recently leaked pictures of sist…
Arizona woman’s uterus convicted of manslaughter after miscarriage
PHOENIX, ARIZONA – Under the state’s recently passed Women’s Health and Safety Act, an Arizona woman’s uterus was convicted of manslaughter yesterday after miscarrying 3 weeks i…
